Interview with Author Mary DeMuth

It's my pleasure to interview Mary DeMuth, critically acclaimed author of fiction and nonfiction, teacher, and freelance writer on the blog today. It's a long one, but full of great information for those of us who write autobiographical fiction. So, pour yourself a cup of something strong, and enjoy!

Marilyn: First, thank you for stopping by my blog. Congratulations on the attention given your novel Watching the Tree Limbs by reaching Christian Fiction Review's top ten books of 2006!

Mary: Thanks so much; it’s great to be here. And the top ten thing was a huge surprise!

Marilyn: You've said that this book is somewhat autobiographical. Knowing that many writers write "what we know," I'd like to talk with you about creating fiction from personal experience.

Mary: Great. I’m all ears.

Marilyn: Okay! First, what do we mean when we say "autobiographical"? Does it mean what we have experienced first-hand, or can it include stories or incidents we hear or see that happen to other people? In other words, how many layers of separation must occur before it's no longer an autobiographical--or our--story?

Mary: Both. Autobiographical simply means that some of the characters experience some of the things the author has either experienced or watched others experience. You can’t write a book and call it a novel if it’s completely autobiographical, though. Then, it’s a memoir. A novel has to have plot, characters, etc.

Marilyn: Do you think it's possible for a writer not to write autobiographically to some extent? In other words, do you believe that everything we write holds some element of personal experience?

Mary: Yes, most everything we write has hints and pieces of ourselves. That’s why writers should also be impeccable observers. I watch and record everything. You just never know when you’ll use it. Yesterday I learned about an amazing southern name. You can bet I’ll use that in my next novel.

Marilyn: In your opinion, what are some reasons people write fiction from personal experience?

Mary: They’re usually afraid to write a memoir because the people they may write about might not like what they have to say. To insulate themselves, they fictionalize instead. A word of caution: I wrote both. In Building the Christian Family You Never Had, I told the painful story of my upbringing. In Watching the Tree Limbs, I used elements of my story in the storyline. Guess which one was harder to have out there? It was the novel. It actually felt far more personal to me than the nonfiction.

Marilyn: Then, how can a writer fictionalize personal experience?

Mary: Take a feeling you had from an experience and build upon it. In my first novel, I took my own personal struggle to connect deeply with my children and use that as fodder to flesh out a young widow.

Marilyn: When you began writing Watching the Tree Limbs, did you set out to write from personal experience, or did it emerge from a story idea? Or did some other process take place?

Mary: It started first from story. I saw a little girl on the sweltering pavement of East Texas with a boy approaching her. I sat down and wrote the book in four months.

Marilyn: So, once you knew it was going to be--or was--a book based on your experience, did you take measures to hide the identities of real people? If so, what were they? And what else did you consider as you developed the story?

Mary: The story is such that nothing would seem like I named people. The characters took over (as they should), showing no resemblance to real life characters.

Marilyn: Mary, what advice, suggestions, or cautions can you give people who are writing stories based on something that happened to them?

Mary: First, write a story. Be sure there’s enough tension and conflict. If you find you’re writing snippets of little stories strung together loosely, you may as well write a memoir. Be sure you’ve written an inciting incident, rising action, climax and denouement.

Marilyn: Sounds like great advice. As you can tell from my blog, it's all about writing your life story. Do you keep a diary or journal? If you do, how much of your writing comes from what you journal? Have you ever gotten a seed of an idea from something you journaled? Have you ever used family documents or family stories in your books or other writing?

Mary: I do keep a journal. I’ve done it for years and years. A lot of my nonfiction comes from my journal entries or my blog ramblings. My first novel, yet unpublished, deals with a widow who lost her husband during the Great Depression. She is based on my great grandmother. I had oodles of research to flesh out that book, all from her estate, a local historical society, etc. It is my sincere hope that Crushing Stone (working title) finds a publishing home someday.

Marilyn: Finally, do you have any advice for writers about diary-keeping or journaling?

Mary: Don’t make rules. Just write when you feel the urge. And consider keeping an art journal. I’ve learned so much and gained so much from my illustration of the Bible. For a great resource, go to www.soulpersuit.com.

Marilyn: Thanks so much, Mary! I've learned a lot here, and I'm sure our readers have, too.

To find out more about Mary and her writing and teaching, visit http://www.marydemuth.com.

The Diary Challenge: A New Beginning

How did your month of diary-keeping go? Did you poop out after the first week? First two weeks? First two days?

If you finished out the month with all or most of your days filled in—congratulations! You have established a new habit. If your energy, interest, or will ended after the first week, take heart—you have eleven more chances this year to start again!

As I noted earlier, our house began the new year as a diary-keeping family. My three children were all given new diaries—each embellished with the new year and their name on the front—so that they, too, could start a diary habit.

The news isn't so good. Out of three children, only one wrote regularly this month. Not coincidentally, she's our oldest, at 12. She also has strong self-discipline and an inherent need (sometimes we call it an obsession) to finish whatever she starts. So, 1 out of 3 ain't bad.

And me? I confess that I skipped about 7 percent of my days, because of illness, fatigue, or forgetfulness. But I filled them in quickly, before I forgot what had happened.

In our house, then, one child will be rewarded for meeting the challenge. The rest will be gently urged to try again starting
February 1. It's a short month.

And you? If you filled 90 percent of your pages, leave me a comment, and I'll send you a reward, too.

And for everyone else, February 1 is only a day away. A day to take a deep breath, stretch your fingers, roll your shoulders, and make a pledge to try again.

And remember, February is a short month.

© 2007 by Marilyn C. Hilton

Up next: Be a sleuth: Finding clues in your photographs!

Diary Diary: Checking In

Dear Diary Challengers,

How was your first week of keeping a diary? Did you find a diary that will work for you? Did you write every day? Did you write just one page a day? How do you feel about this—eager to continue, or having second thoughts?

I hope you were able to keep up with the challenge and write every day. It's a great habit to get into. If, however, you skipped a day (or two), don't be discouraged. Days are long and hard, we get sick, we forget, or we just don't feel like it. Believe me, I know.

If you skip a day, don't worry: you can recover the next day by recounting the skipped day's events. And it's OK to write "I'm writing this on ." You will be forgiven.

In our house, my kids' diary-keeping efforts had mixed results. It seems that there is a direct correlation between age and dedication. My oldest child, who's 12, wrote faithfully every night without my prodding. My second, 10, needed to be reminded. And my "baby," 8, rebelled and decided this just wasn't for him. He and I need to recalibrate our expectations and commitments.

Whether you wrote seven days or three days, the purpose of this month of writing is to form a habit. As with all new goals, we're going to trip once in awhile. We're even gonna tumble. What's important is that we get back on our feet and keep moving toward our goal.

If you wrote every day, give yourself a huge pat on the back--you wrote every day for a week! If you skipped a few days, give yourself a pat on the back, too. You wrote x more times than you did the week before. And that, my friends, is progress!

Book drawing: We have a winner of the drawing for Real Women Scrap. Congratulations MaryLu! And thanks to everyone who entered.

© 2007 by Marilyn C. Hilton

Starting a New Page in 2007: A Review of Real Women Scrap

Happy New Year! While we are making resolutions and setting goals for the new year, we also remember the past and wonder where all the time went—and how did it go so fast? A great way to solve this problem is by creating scrapbooks.

Are you a scrapper? Do you have one or two scrapbooks tucked into a bookcase, a memory box, or on a closet shelf? Have you tried scrapbooking and failed?

Those of you who are die-hard scrappers, those who have done it in the past, and those who have tried and failed all understand the rewards and the challenges that scrapbooking pose. Carving out time, creating a space, overcoming the insecurities of being “artistically challenged,” and the uneasy and debilitating sense that your pages aren’t as good as those of more experienced scrappers are only some of those challenges.

Author, speaker, and scrap coach Tasra Dawson’s new book, Real Women Scrap, addresses these challenges and fears one-by-one with the wisdom and experience of professional scrapper, and the heart and voice of a girlfriend. Presenting new insights into this age-old and boomingly resurgent craft, Real Women Scrap will guide one-time scrappers, would-be scrappers, and even experienced scrappers through the process of creating a scrapbook—from planning and organizing, to journaling, to removing doubts and insecurities, and finally forming a sisterhood of scrappers. Checklists, quizzes, and how-to’s help readers get organized and stay on track. Visually, this book is a delight, with illustrations, embellishments, and details that create the feel of pages in a scrapbook.

Scrapbooking, as Dawson reveals, is a metaphor for life. In each chapter, Real Women Scrap shows parallels between elements of scrapbooking—such as laying out pages, cropping photos, creating balanced page composition, and quelling comparisons with others’ pages—and areas of our lives—such as making a plan, keeping a healthy balance, telling stories to create legacies, and not comparing our lives with others’. As you plan, create, and finish a scrapbook, you also develop insight into how to create a life that leaves a legacy of joy and love.

Even if you’re just an armchair scrapbooker, Real Women Scrap’s deeper insights and advice for creating the life you’ve always wanted make this one book you’ll want to add to your library in 2007.

Real Women Scrap is available now from Amazon.com and Dare Dreamer Press (http://www.daredreamerpress.com).

Book Giveaway! I'm giving away one copy of Real Women Scrap, signed by the author. To add your name to the drawing, just leave a comment. I'll announce the winner next Monday.

© 2007 by Marilyn C. Hilton

Diary Challenge, Day 1: I’m so pleased to see that many of you are taking the diary challenge! I’ll be checking in with you throughout the month and will give updates on my kids’ progress. (We had our training session today at the kitchen table. After lots of questions, like “Mom, why are we doing this, again?” and much nodding of heads, I think we’re off to a great start.)

One Challenge, Endless Rewards

You might expect that someone who has kept a diary steadily for the past 11 years and teaches other people how to form and maintain this rewarding practice would be raising children who are also avid diary-keepers.

Wrong. While their mother scribbles away every night and tries to spread her message to audiences, these poor children have been shamefully overlooked. Neglected, even.

I decided to put an end to that and (try to) teach my children the art of keeping a daily diary. This is the best time for them to begin a lifelong habit that will enrich them and influence their families for the generations ahead. They’re all old enough now to write and they’re still young enough to pay attention to what their mom tells them.

A few weeks ago, knowing how difficult it is to find an inexpensive, predated daily diary, I went to the Journals and Organizers section of our local super bookstore and looked at the variety of journals on the shelves. Spiral bound, perfect bound, leather bound, plain, colorful, illustrated and embellished—so many to choose from. But I had four basic criteria: durability, size, page count, and price, which made it easy to eliminate many of the offerings.

• Durability—Kids are hard on everything, especially a book that they’ll (with fingers crossed) use every day for a year. A sturdy book with firm binding, substantial pages (not flimsy or too thick), and little possibility of loose pages was important.
• Size—One of the most essential success factors in keeping a daily diary is to write on only one page, so the size of the page is critical. No one—especially a kid—should be overwhelmed by a blank page that begs to be filled. (You know where that diary will end up.) So, I needed a book that was large enough to hold the day’s major events but small enough to invite, not intimidate, my children. Also, knowing that they will be traveling during the year, it was important to choose a book that they could take with them.
• Page count—So many journals on the shelves were beautifully designed and decorated, but they lacked the required number of pages. When I found one I liked, I stood there in the aisle and turned each page, counting in my head. When I reached 50, I knew I had 100 days. Then I eyeballed the rest of the pages to determine if there were 365 days in the entire journal.
• Price—Please, we’re not those Hiltons.

Also, because I wanted to personalize the books for each child, a plain cover was more appealing to me than an embellished one.

After carefully looking at the contenders, I decided on a 4”-by-6” perfect-bound, plain-covered journal with sturdy, lined pages, for $5.99. It has a ribbon bookmark and a covered-elastic loop that keeps the book closed.

Then I headed to the crafts store and bought paint markers in bright colors, and wrote 2007 and the child’s name on each cover. Very simple, very easy. I could have done more, but I had cookies to bake.

Later, with pen in hand and liquid erasing fluid nearby, I wrote the date in the upper corner of each page—and turned three small books into three keepsake diaries.

Finally, I slipped a good ballpoint pen through the loop of each one and wrapped them all up with a hope and a prayer.

On New Year’s Day, we’ll all sit at the kitchen table and have a little training session. We’ll take it one week at a time, and I’ll give rewards for the first month. After that, writing every day will have become their new habit.

What about you? Is this your year to start keeping a daily diary? Why don’t you use part of one of those holiday gift cards for a simple, inviting book that you can turn into a diary by filling it with the daily events of your amazing life? A few sentences a day will record and preserve your life—for you, for those you love, and for those who will come to know and love you through your diary.

Are you willing to take the challenge? If you are, leave a comment and tell me you’re going to keep a diary each day for a month starting January 1. If you keep it up for a month, I'll send you a reward.

For help getting started, see Keeping a Daily Diary in September.

Join me and my family, and let’s do it together!

© 2006 by Marilyn C. Hilton

~Next up: A review of must-read Real Women Scrap by Tasra Dawson~

A Horrible Warning

There are many ways to create a legacy of your life, and I believe that almost all of them are some form of sharing stories--either through telling stories or writing them. That's why this blog is here. More important than sharing stories is, I think, living to the fullest of our potential, being the best we can be, and leaving that example as our legacy.

Lately, I've been learning much about this from King Saul.

"King Saul?" you might wonder. "What kind of hero was he?"

I know, he was hardly a good example. He was more like the poster child for the saying: "If I can't be a good example, then let me be a horrible warning."

When God told Samuel to tell Saul that he must completely destroy all the Amalekites--"completely destroy" was the key phrase there--but Saul spared King Agag and some of the prime animals to use as sacrifices, God took his Spirit from Saul and dethroned him as Israel's king. Then, when Samuel went looking for Saul to give him the bad news, he discovered that Saul was off erecting a monument to himself.

That part is astounding--he was erecting a monument to himself. Nervy. I can't help contrasting that to the memorial the Israelites built from the stones in the bed of Jordan River, to memorialize God and his miracles on the day he led them safely through to the other side.

After Samuel delivered the news to unrepentent Saul, he left Saul forever and mourned (some Bible translations say he grieved) for a long time--until God gave him a new assignment. I imagine that Samuel's mourning wasn't done sitting in a dark corner while quiet tears slid down his cheeks. I think his mourning was of the wailing-and-rending-of-clothing variety.

This is the part that makes King Saul's story very personal to me. Samuel might have been mourning the loss of his friendship with Saul, or he might have been grieving God's decision, hoping God would give Saul a second or third chance. But I think what Samuel was wailing and rending his clothing over was that he understood the profound pity of unfulfilled potential: what could have been would never be. He knew that Saul could have been so much better, so much greater, so much more...anything...if he had only done things God's way instead of his own.

That's the tragedy and the horrible warning--that Saul could have been a far better Saul with God than he could possibly ever be on his own. We will never know the difference that fully-realized Saul might have made. The world would have been a different, and most likely a better, place if he had sacrificed his own desires instead of the Amalekite lambs.

Samuel reminded Saul that God doesn't want burnt offerings--the B-list forms and acts that we pass off as living, loving, and worshipping, while we reserve the A-list for ourselves. Instead, God wants our "broken and contrite heart"--one into which he can enter and then transform into his very best design.

If I'm going to be an example and leave a legacy to my children, and eventually to my grandchildren, I need to remember that God held nothing back for me when he sacrificed his very best on the cross. With that in mind, can I give no less in return?

© 2006 by Marilyn C. Hilton

Interview with Tricia Goyer, Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of my interview with Tricia Goyer, author of the nonfiction books Generation NeXt Parenting: A Savvy Parent's Guide to Getting it Right (Multnomah), and Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Young Mom (Zondervan/MOPS). Today, Tricia talks about her life as a "Generation X" mom and her ministry with other moms.

Marilyn: Hi again, Tricia. In addition to your interest in the World War II era, you are very involved in working with young moms and Gen X moms. Please tell us more about that.

Tricia: My work for teen moms stemmed out from my volunteer efforts at a local pregnancy center. Because I was a teen mom (I had my son at age 17), my heart went out to them. I wanted to give them hope. I started mentoring teen moms, and then I wrote a book for them, Life Interrupted.

I also wanted to write for Gen Xers because I am one. I know the struggles moms from our generation face, and I wanted to help--not as an expert but as someone going through the same struggles.

Marilyn: So, how important is it to establish family traditions? And tell us about some of your family's traditions.

Tricia: Family traditions are so important because they build family unity. Our traditions clarify who we are and what we believe. We have daily traditions, such as Bible study as a family. My husband also reads a chapter from a fiction book to the kids every night, and then we pray together. Even though our kids are ages 17, 14, and 12, they still love this.

We have traditions for holidays, too, such as acting out the Bible Story every Christmas and buying special Christmas ornaments every year for each of our kids.

Marilyn: What do you see as the greatest challenges that moms face these days?

Tricia: Moms want to do it all--follow their own dreams and goals, raise great kids, have a loving marriage, serve God. One of the biggest challenges is balancing life. Another is making time for God. There is also the struggle of serving God in a world in which “anything goes.”

Marilyn: That sounds true for just about everyone. What simple things can moms do--even when their children are very young--to improve communication with their kids? And what else can moms and dads to do keep their family bonds strong?

Tricia: One of my friends told me that it takes three hours of fun to bring out three minutes of heart-to-heart conversation. I've found that to be true. Kids need time and fun, then they allow you into the deepest recesses of their heart. For example, yesterday I took my fourteen-year-old daughter out to dinner and to a play. Then, on the drive home she opened up about some issues in her life. Real communication doesn't happen during the busyness of life.

As for family bonds, moms and dads can make family a priority by serving God together. Our family has volunteered for a children’s ministry together for over ten years. We act out skits, sing songs, teach the Bible, and so on. We work together to share God and we grow closer in the process.

Marilyn: Those are wonderful suggestions. So, what are some of the greatest differences you see between how your parents' generation parented and Gen X parents?

Tricia: My parents’ generation was a time when many kids lived a latchkey existence. Parents worked a lot and the divorce rate was rising steadily. Media became more important (MTV showed up during that time). The Gen X generation is a time when life is superbusy as we try to do too much. More moms are choosing to give up careers for kids. And according to statistics, dads are getting more involved in the home. While there are some positive changes, we struggle with “too much of a good thing” trying to give our kids everything, to their own detriment.

Marilyn: And finally, Tricia, what are the greatest dangers that threaten young families today, and what can parents do to avoid them?

Tricia: Dangers include centering on our children, instead of on God and getting so busy that we miss what is most important. I struggle with these issues myself. Yes, as we parents spend time with God daily, we settle our souls. We find peace and listen to the still, small voice instead of all the messages that the world gives.

Marilyn: This is great information, Tricia. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your experience and expertise with us!



Please check out Tricia's website (www.triciagoyer.com) for more information about Tricia, her books, and her latest news.

© 2006 by Marilyn C. Hilton